We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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