Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
