So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
