All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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