I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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