dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
