He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
