It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
