fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
