I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize