I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
