apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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