p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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