u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
