I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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