i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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