Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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