My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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