You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
