Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
