Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
