i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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