Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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