im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
