I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
