Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
