your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
