i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
