You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
