The best revenge is premature balding
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
