i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
