We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize