The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
