i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
