i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
