I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
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