He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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