Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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