Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
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