It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize