I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize