K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
