I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
