guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
