if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
