a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
