My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
