Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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