i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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