we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
