marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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