If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
accomplished twins. life is a go
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
