he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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