We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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