just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
