Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
