I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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