No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
