So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
