I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
