You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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