the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
