Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
