Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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