That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
